YES...I am back....Why...i will get to that.....

After a lot of soul searching and 6 months later...i am back at it...why...that's a good question...i miss my blogging...i feel like is was being held back...people seemed to read my blog and figure out if it was all about them...mostly it was not...felt sometimes like i could not always put what i wanted out there...so after my posting on christmas eve..i decided to take a month off and just decided after the new year what i wanted to do...and the rest is history... mid january i learned that my dad was having some medical issues...so i had planned to spend spring break with my dad and mom...a visit way over do... between being here with my boys through their school and college days...home-schooling our beautiful daughter...and providing a safe and loving home during the day for our granddaughters while their parents were at work...somehow i got so caught up in growing up and trying to be the best mom and ginny...i forgot my parents were getting older...i talked to my mom almost daily...usually knew what they were having for dinner...probably knew more about them that those closer in surroundings...yes i am sure my parents know or knew how much i love or loved them...but...my regrets are many... from the point i planned my return trip the date was moved up twice...as my fathers condition seemed to be worsening...being sure in the fact my parents would never go in a nursing home...i booked the flight for feb. 13 by then i figured i and my siblings could figure out what my dad would need and ...i would do whatever needed to my it work for my mom and dad...my brother was going to oversee taking my dad to his treatments and i was prepared to move home to make everything work out...hoping i could do 3 to 4 weeks there ...my sister do 3 to 4 weeks until his treatments were over and we had him back on his feet...believe me i was going to make this work...i owed it to my parents and it was a promise i had made to myself... my parents were a team..they would always be together...to the end...i do not believe in nursing homes...my grandmother was put in one..another story for another day...this was my time to step up and i wanted to do it...my family here would be fine...yes it would be hard ..but those closest to me knew...this was the time to do what made me happy...well ..on feb 11 my dad took a turn for the worse and although he knew i was coming...i was not there...and he died on feb. 12...it was the worse trip i could ever make...no longer was it a trip to see and support my daddy...i was going back to bury my dad...my mom had lost her soul mate...that team was not divided...no more knowing dad was there to look after mom...and mom not needing to look after dad...and i never told him goodbye...because he was never to die in my eyes...boy did i screw up...and please do not comment on this blog or private message me...i do not want your pity ...this is not about poor me.... i landed in salisbury to the loving arms of my brother...everyone was kind to me...more so than they should have been...except for one person...you see my parents have two dogs benji and buddy...they are very protective dogs...you see as i entered my parents home...my old home... buddy the dachshund...jumped up and bite me in the thigh...you see he was at least honest with how he felt about me...never really told or showed my mom the bite...so lets not tell her now..she had been through enough then... and that can be our little secret... i will tell you that was at 11:00 at night and by mid-day the next day... he and i were buddies for sure ..i even won benji over and he slept with me one night...i stayed 10 days with my mom...tried to help her...but the truth is i think i needed her more than she needed me...over the next few blogs i will tell you abut going home again...and yes i just got back from spending yet another 10 days with my mom...and i will be back....she is so strong...and she has benji and buddy...and my wonderful brother that checks in on her everyday...not because he has to...but because he wants to...and to be honest...i still call everyday...sometimes 3 times a day...not to check on her..but because i need to hear her voice....yes all about me AGAIN...i am afraid i will dial her one day and she may have changed her number...she may get sick of my calls...lol...lets hope not...so if you are still able to see one or both your parents...do it ASAP...sometimes there is never a tomorrow....miss you daddy....wished you could have squeezed my fingers... as only you ever did...and said thats my girl one more time.................................................................................................................................................